As you invariably know by now - since you are all unquestionably pop-culture-savvy, finger-on-the-pulse kind of people - (and because we mentioned it on the blog a couple of days ago), Coldplay have deemed their new single worthy of not one, but two whole videos. Why? And how are they different? And which is better?
Even though it meant watching more than twice as much Coldplay as is generally considered reasonable, I ventured to find out for you. You're welcome. In the first one, which is directed by Anton Corbijn and is therefore "classic", Chris Martin is a sad king:.
.. In a crown and ermine cloak, carrying an oil painting for no discernable reason. He wanders, lost, from place to place. And looks at things forlornly. Like castles. And people. And trams.
*Sigh*. Trams, eh Chris?
Anyway, in the second video - which is directed by Hype Williams and therefore "cool" - Chris carries no oil pointing, but the colours are all magnified and intensified. The band are weirdly luminescent and the "surface" of the video is all crackly, so the whole thing feels a bit like an oil painting. Or, more accurately, like someone getting over-enthusiastic with the Oil Painting setting in Photoshop.
But back to that one in a minute. In the first version of the video - officially the second or "alternative official" version of the video, but for our purposes, the first (still with me? Marvellous) - lost King Chris wanders about, painting under arm, looking lost, gazing forlornly at real life things, and also appearing in a pretty spectacularly cute model village.
Eventually fetching up at a wind shelter on the top of a cliff, he finally gets to hang up his painting.
The whole thing is, of course, a "video cover version" (their words, not mine, I'm not the wanker here) of Depeche Mode's Enjoy The Silence, also directed by Corbijn.
The reason for this being, as far as we can see, that the lyrics of Viva La Vida (I used to rule the world / Seas would rise when I gave the word / Oh who would want to be king ... etc etc) are more fitting to the video than Depeche Mode's were, so they've nicked it. There are notable differences, though.
Chris Martin has bigger hair than Dave Gahan's, for a start. Also, where Dave's journey seemed more like he was searching for something (with his deckchair, which is cooler than an oil painting), Chris merely seems to have lost something. And then looks much happier when the rest of the band turn up. Dave ends the video staring alone over mountains at the horizon in a King-From-The-Little-Prince kind of way; Chris is much cheered when his gang arrives ....
.. And ends up contentedly looking out to sea. It is a nice video. A perfectly pleasant video. Which leads us to wonder what must be so wrong with the other video that they felt the need to make a back up.
I mean yes, the official line is that this is merely for fun, an alternative take, a tribute to an earlier classic video that chimed with the lyrics. But I think we all secretly know that there must be more to it than that. Because you don't make a second video unless the first is so filthy it might potentially be banned from television.
Yes, it may look innocent and shiny and a bit like an oil painting ....
.. But I think if we look at it closer we can find a whole raft of filthy, filthy references buried deep in the subtext of the Hype Williams version that display quite clearly why they felt the need to make a second child-friendly version of the video. For a start, there's the whole open-ended "bell" symbolism, and we are repeatedly are forced to watch Will Champion "hit that" with his "stick" ....
.. During which we are reminded that to "ring someone's bell" is a popular phrase denoting certain acts of foreplay, and while the "bell" in question doesn't actually go "ding-a-ling-a-ling", because it is a cowbell, it does go "donk"; which we all know is another name for a bottom.
Add to this the fact that any shot of guitars or basses in the video tends to be one that pays an unhealthy amount of interest to their long "shaft":
Or on the "neck" of the "instrument", as I believe it is sometimes known, all of which are rude words as and of themselves.
What's more, Chris Martin quite clearly has a large arrow pointed at his penis for the whole video ... .
.. And also spends a whole section miming the bestial spanking of an extremely large mammal, perhaps an elephant or giant horse ....
.. Which admittedly doesn't work in screengrab form, but can be found between 3.20 and 3.25 in the video.
And to top it all off, the four "gentlemen" of the band can often be found pulling faces more akin to situations of - shall we say - the denouement of heightened sexual extremis ....
.. More than is usually found in family-friendly music videos. Just look at them. Blimey. It fair turns the stomach. Seriously, imagine you're Gwyneth for a moment.
*shudder*
Ban this sick filth, I say. Ban it all.
Until then, you can watch the "alternative" version here (and the Depeche Mode one here) and watch the "official" version here.
The latter doesn't seem to be behind an age-restrictive barrier yet, but I'm sure that will soon be rectified.
Copyright 2008 guardian.co.uk
